Lemons
by KlainebowBLUGH
Summary: Bella, Edward and LOTS and LOTS of lemons ;
1. Lemons

LEMONS!

I do not own the twilight saga, but if I did it would be just this cool (: Hope you like, and if you don't, I really don't care all that much.

Bella was bored one day because Edward had decided that he needed to go hunting, otherwise he would end up eating her (bad, bad times) so, being bored as she was when Edward was not about, Bella decided to go grocery shopping so Charlie could have some good nutritious food when he got back from a long day of enforcing law (yeah right)

Bella got in her truck and drove down to the nearest Wal-mart (the place to be), which turned out was actually not all together that close, where she wandered aimlessly along the food aisle, unable to make up her mind about what food to actually buy (how indecisive!) A stand caught Bella's eye and she stopped, transfixed by the brightly coloured food. Bella grabbed armfuls and armfuls of the delicious-looking fruit and scampered off to the counter, completely forgetting that Charlie actually needed some food because the fridge was totally empty.

Bella drove home carefully to ensure that her driving did not cause any of the 6 paper bags stuffed to the brim with her fruity purchases to tip over, causing her lemons to roll all around the trucks boot. While contemplating her very sensible driving Bella reminded herself that she had a boyfriend who was quite the opposite, and that he reckless driving would cause her lemons to get all dirty. She silently thanked God that Edward was not in the car at that exact moment, but secretly wished that he would be able to share in the wondrous glory of a tasty lemon (he could, of course, not because he is a vampire and thus had no real need to eat – Lemons or otherwise)

Bella had a lot of difficulty when it came to opening her door, her arms were full of lemons and the bags were piled so high that she couldn't see the lock on the door. After a few moments of scrabbling she finally pushed the key into the lock and twisted, opening the door with a metallic click. Bella headed for the kitchen but was so shocked at what she found in the hallway that she promptly dropped her bag of lemons and they went rolling every which way.

"Lemons?" asked a confused voice. Bella was still a little bit in shock, and was clutching at her chest, as if trying to restart her heart, clearly shocked that anyone was in her house at all, on account of both Charlie and herself being out. Bella looked up into the golden eyes of Carlisle, who still seemed quite confused by the vast amount of lemons that Bella had purchased.  
"You called" Carlisle stated, looking at her with a raised eyebrow"  
"Yes. One question before we begin"  
"Fire away!" Dr. Cullen said enthusiastically  
"Are you ready to get your hands dirty?" Bella asked with a cheeky grin, returning the raised eyebrow  
"I most certainly am Bella" he said, as Bella led him up to her bedroom...


	2. Doorknobs

DOORKNOBS

Bella slammed the door, eager to get inside, not realise that she had actually just made the whole situation worse.  
"You see, Carlisle, I need a new doorknob fitted and as you were free, I thought you might help" Bella explained although she didn't really need to. The force of Bella slamming the door had caused the doorknob the hang loosely off the white wood, held in place by one bent nail.  
"I most certainly will" Carlisle said, setting to work with his large screwdriver.

A few moments later Bella's doorknob was fixed, thanks to Carlisle and his super-vampire-speed. _FINALLY _Bella thought as Carlisle put his tools away and left _I can actually have some privacy while I am sleeping now. _Bella hated the lack of privacy she had experienced when her door would not close properly, always having Charlie in hearing distance of her and Edward worried her greatly. What if he found out that practically every day was a sleepover for the happy couple? Bella imagined...it wasn't nice. She hated the lack of privacy (but when you think about, she didn't really have any privacy at all, with Edward practically living in her room too)

Edward was still not back, and Bella was more bored than ever so she began to wonder what on earth has possessed her to buy 6 shopping bags full of lemons, she didn't even like lemons all that much! Lemonade was just about all she could handle. One thing was for sure, Alice would not approve of this use of money, and after all, lemons had nothing at all to do with Louis Vuitton.

Tired and bored of waiting for Edward to come back, Bella snuggled into bed, with the aim of having a refreshing afternoon nap, however as she had been sleeping badly due to the worry of a Charlie-shaped interruption during the night, Bella was far more tired than she had anticipated and she would not awaken from her deep slumber for several hours.

Several hours later Edward had returned, and let himself into Bella's room the normal way. He, like Carlisle, was immensely confused by the vast amount of yellow fruit littering the floor of Bella's hallway. After examining the disaster zone, and discovering that Bella was still asleep, Edward decided that it would be best to let Bella have some rest so he walked outside to find Jessica lingering around the front door because she 'just happened to be in the neighbourhood'

"Oh! Hi Edward" Jessica tried to sound surprised, but the truth was she was at Bella's simply to see if Edward was there. "I just happened to be in the neighbourhood" Jess said rather unnecessarily, yes she said that but what she really thought was _ah smooth lying Jess, he will never find out that you were totally stalking him, _little did she know that merely buy thinking this, she had let Edward know that she was 'totally stalking him'

Edward and Jessica stood outside for a good five minutes, a long time for Jessica to remain focused on one thing if I am being perfectly honest (which I try to be) and during this time Bella awoke from her 'nap' She glanced out of the window to see Jess' thinly veiled attempt to steal her boyfriend and she got MAD! She grabbed the closest thing to her, a fist-sized yellow object, and opened the window launching it a Jess' forehead. The yellow object bounced off Jessica's face with a force that knocked her backwards into a muddy puddle, the offending lemon on top of her.

Edward backed away slowly, doubled over with surprised laughter as Jessica sat in the small pool of muddy water with a dazed expression on her face, as if she had not quite understood what had just happened. Edward glanced towards Bella's now open window and saw a flash of her mahogany hair as she ducked out of sight; he would have to think of a suitable way to thank her, something that she would really want to taste...


	3. Shenanigans

SHENANIGANS

Edward ran upstairs quickly and silently and told Bella to meet him at his place in an hour, by this time it was approximately 4.00pm. Bella, using her genius math skills, quickly deduced that Edward would expect her to be at the Cullen's house for 5.00pm (what a clever girl). Bella had an hour to kill, and no idea what to do so she sat by the clock watching the second hand tick around for a while (you know what they say about simple minds) and wandering what Edward could possibly have in store, whatever it was it couldn't take too long, she had to be back by 6.00pm to cook chief Swan's dinner, he was always hungry after a day of enforcing law, she could never really work out why because kids tended not to break the law around Forks, so Charlie mainly just sat around all day doing...well, not a lot.

By around half-past 4 Bella was becoming impatient, she even resorted to doing some of her much neglected homework that had piled up due to her inability to be away from Edward for longer than about five minutes. She even rang her absentee mother whom she had not seen since her visit to Florida a few month before, Bella could not help but feel a bit cheated by her mother who never made an effort to come and visit her in Forks, not even when she graduated. Sometimes Bella thought the only way she would ever get her mother to visit would be if she was to get married, at this though Bella laughed out loud. Get married? At her age? What a preposterous idea.

The clock finally told Bella (and no, it didn't literally talk to her) that it was ten to five and so she grabbed a coat out of her wardrobe and sprinted out to her car, not noticing that Edward had taken something from her house. Bella sped to the Cullen's house; she drove much faster now that she did not have her precious cargo of lemons. Bella got out of the car much slower than she had entered it, deciding it wasn't worth the embarrassment if she were to trip, and as she reached the door to her surprise Alice wrenched it open.

"Edward is in the kitchen" Alice said smirking "he's waiting for you" she called again as she walked off towards the stairs. Bella was worried by Alice's expression and cautiously edged towards the kitchen door which was ajar. It occurred to Bella, just before the nudged the door open, that Edward was a vampire and so he had no need to eat, thus no need to be in the kitchen either. She shook her head and dismissed this thought quickly, stepping into the brightly lit room.

Bella was shocked at the scene that unfurled before her, Esme and Edward were both in the kitchen, completely covered in a sticky substance that look like it might be liquid, but Bella could not say for sure. At the moment in which Bella entered the room Edward was stood in front of Esme laughing uncontrollably as a stream of the cloudy substance spurted from between his hands, which at the time were held down in front of him, and hit Esme in the face, causing her to burst out laughing and wiping the liquid from her face, laughing at the sticky mess that it has created...


	4. Visitors

VISITORS

Edward, of course, had been aware that Bella was stood in the doorway of the kitchen but the chance to get Esme in the face was too good an opportunity for him to miss. He had carefully aimed to reduce splash back but still manage to get the whole of Esme's face covered in the gunk. Edward discarded the now juiceless lemon; it had served its purpose and, let's face it, there was plenty more where that came from. Bella swivelled her eyes to follow the rind of the lemon as Edward launched it at the bin, which was now overflowing with the juiceless peelings of the once magnificent lemons.

Edward walked over to the refrigerator to get out a tray of ice cubes which he promptly tipped into a jug full of lemon juice that Bella had missed on her preliminary assessment of the kitchen. This must have been what Edward was doing. Bella could not help but feel touched. Edward, who had no need to be in the kitchen, to eat or even to drink (anything except for blood, had spent the last hour slaving away in his barely used kitchen to make her a cool yet refreshing beverage. How sweet!

Edward had almost reached Bella when he dropped the jug, causing juice to spray EVERWHERE dousing everyone in the sour liquid. Edward hissed, no doubt he had picked up a thoughts of an intruder, clearly the thoughts he had heard did not make him happy.  
"Carlisle" the intruder called, it was a voice that Edward and Bella recognised. They both stiffened as the intruder walked into the kitchen. He was tall, quite young and devilishly handsome, just like he had been when he was ripped apart by the werewolves. Riley walked into the kitchen confidently and completely unaware of the fact that he was supposed to be dead. "Oh! Sorry" exclaimed Riley when it became apparent that Carlisle was not actually in the kitchen "I assumed Carlisle would be where the noise was" evidently he was wrong. "if you could just point me in the right direction, Carlisle and I have...urm...business to attend to" Riley finished, rather lamely.  
"I'm sorry" Edward interjected, he did not sound the slightest bit sorry at all "but didn't I watch you die?"  
"Correct, but it would appear that the Volturi took pity on us, something I hear they do not do lightly, and they pulled us out of the flames before any real damage could be done"  
"and Victoria?" Bella questioned timidly  
"as if I know" Riley answered coldly and his eyes flashed red.

Carlisle strolled into the room and upon seeing Riley he looked like a deer caught in headlights.  
"I told you not to come here. The business we have is private and should not be carried out in such a..." Carlisle glanced around the room "...public place" he finished.  
"Give it up Carlisle, I know about your dirty little secret, did you think your thoughts would be safe forever? Sooner or later you would have thought about the quality time you were spending with Riley in the woods and I would have known" Edward said coldly "I just can't believe you would have done this to us, to Esme"


	5. Jokes

Jokes

"Well...you see...the thing is..." Carlisle began, but Esme had already made her own assumptions about the 'business' that Riley and Carlisle had together, and it was not an idea that she liked that much to be honest. With lightning speed Esme vaulted over the table that stood between her and Riley and picked up and lemon. Esme rammed the lemon right down Riley's throat until the whole of her hand was lost inside his mouth. Riley gagged, clutching his neck, trying to cough up the lemon that must have tasted foul to his vampire taste buds, and he stumbled around the kitchen unable to concentrate on where he was going on account of the large lemon that was lodged inside his oesophagus. After a few minutes of watching this, everyone was too shocked to actually do anything to help the poor boy, Riley collapsed into a heap on the now sticky linoleum.

This time it appeared that Riley truly was dead and every stood, still stunned, staring at his lifeless body. "By 'dirty little secret' Edward meant that I was helping Riley to piece himself back together after the...incident" Carlisle said calmly for a man who had just watched his wife murder an un-dead colleague of his for no apparent reason. Edward nodded. "I think I may have overreacted, I meant that it was a danger for all of us, seeing as Riley did try and kill both me and Bella just a few short months ago" Edward reasoned.  
"I have reason to believe he changed, like Jasper, he was unaware that there was another way and I was showing him how we live" Carlisle replied.

Esme looked horrified, she had jumped to the wrong conclusions and now a (mostly) innocent vampire was dead, she knew that Carlisle would never betray her like that. Why had she jumped to the wrong conclusion? On that thought Alice burst into the room shouting "NO! ESM-" but she cut off before she could even finish her sentence. Glancing at the floor Alice added "Oh, it appears I am too late, sorry about the interruption, carry on" and she left the room in a graceful leap, smirking as she left.

Bella could not understand why Alice was smiling about this. A vampire had died for no reason and they were stuck with the body of a boy who went missing presumed dead, what exactly where they supposed to do about that? "So...what should we do with the body" Edward mused aloud "We can't just leave it here"  
"I suggest we-" but for the second time the end of the sentence was cut off. Riley leapt off the floor, coughing out the lemon. When the fruit was finally free of his airway he shouted "JOKES! I don't even need to breathe" clearly assuming that he had just played an immensely funny joke on the Cullen's and Bella.

Everyone shot steely glances at Riley and Carlisle quickly ushered him out of the room, Esme whipped around the room cleaning it at lightning speed until she too left, leaving Edward and Bella alone. "Sorry about your surprise" Edward said apologetically "I suppose I will just have to make it up to you some other way" and he whisked Bella up in his arms and carried her to his bedroom at the end of the hallway on the second floor.


	6. Bodies

BODIES

Carlisle took Riley out of the room, he didn't think it would be wise to keep him near the rest of his family, they just needed a little bit of time to cool off and adjust to the idea that he was helping a known enemy. What did they expect him to do? They knew how much of a kind soul Carlisle was, he couldn't just let Riley rot without his limbs. Carlisle took Riley to the safety of his office, partly to keep him away from the other and partly because Carlisle did not want to have to participate in the cleaning up of the massive mess in the kitchen.

Edward was busy upstairs making sure that Bella didn't trip and suffocate on a pillow or something to that effect, Emmett and Rose had stayed out later than the rest hunting, and Alice and Jasper were upstairs talking. Esme had left the house after she had finished the mammoth job (which, to give her credit she finished rather quickly) of cleaning the kitchen. She just needed to get out, to get some air and to come to terms with the fact that A) she was capable of killing B) she had killed someone and C) they were not actually dead. Esme needed time to get over the whole suffocating-Riley-to-death-with-a-lemon-but-not-really scenario; it was a lot to take in.

It was just Carlisle and Riley left on the lower levels of the house and Carlisle had safely assessed that the others in the building were too busy to come knocking on his door anytime soon. It was safe for Riley and himself to continue with their business arrangement. Firstly Carlisle examined Riley to ensure that all of his joints and the areas affect when the werewolf had ripped him up were still functioning as normal, these were the normal proceedings of these meetings. Carlisle had to ensure that what he was doing was right just in case any of his family had the misfortune of being pulled apart, now Carlisle had the expertise to reassemble them.

Carlisle pushed Riley down into a squashy armchair, leaning in close. "Now Riley" Carlisle began "as you know there was a part of you we could not successfully attach because it had been lost during the confrontation" Carlisle glanced at the top of Riley's leg. Riley nodded in understanding, he had long since come to terms with the fact that the areas below his waist would probably never be returned to their previous glory and that they may never function properly again.

"You are in luck" Carlisle continued enthusiastically. Riley's mood brightened considerably; did this mean that Carlisle had found his missing appendage? Could it be reattached?  
"I found it earlier today while I was hunting, that is why I called, and let me at that it is in excellent condition" Riley was glowing, he had never before been so happy. Carlisle pulled out a large chunk of smooth and rounded marble-esque skin. "This might hurt a bit, but trust me, I'm a doctor" Carlisle said with a wink while he rolled up Riley's trouser leg...


	7. Bitches

BITCHES

Riley screamed in both pain and pleasure as Carlisle pushed the final piece of icy (to humans) skin back in place. Finally he was whole again! His leg was once again complete; you have no idea how self-conscious he felt wearing shorts with a massive chunk of his thigh missing! Riley just sat for a few minutes staring and the chunk of flesh that he thought he had lost forever, if he could cry chances are he would have.  
"Dr. Cullen, do you think there is a chance that perhaps I could stay here...with you" Riley asked tentatively, after all he had nowhere else to go now that he had abandoned Victoria, Carlisle had been looking after him for the past few months to make sure that the re-attachment of Riley's limbs worked out alright.  
"Why, of course you can" Carlisle answered softly, and he seemed genuinely glad that Riley had asked. The Cullen's were so warm and welcoming that Riley could not understand why he could have ignored Edwards warning, before he had been dismembered, but of course Riley had loved her, had trusted her, and she had betrayed him and left him to the unforgiving wolves.  
"Come on, let's go and test your leg out" Carlisle offered, he must have seen the faraway look in Riley's eyes and understood the immense pain that he still felt whenever he thought of her, of Victoria.

MEANWHILE, Back at the ranch (and when I say ranch I mean in Edwards room)

Bella and Edward were very busy, when I say busy they were not really doing anything at all, in fact they were in no way busy. They were lying on Edward's bed just looking at each other marvelling in the beauty of one another and sighing here and there contemplating what they must have done to become so lucky. After an outrageous amount of time of lying and staring Edward bolted upright, grabbed Bella's and yanked her down the stairs towards Carlisle's study.

Before Riley had a chance to properly test he newly restored leg by running, Edward burst into the study (Carlisle was just about to take Riley to the forest, he was not about to let Riley trash his office) carrying Bella. "We have to go" Edward growled, it was clear something had upset him greatly. All four of them ran inside and were at the front door when it was smashed down to show a scantily clad Victoria leaning suggestively on the door frame  
"Miss me?" Victoria asked, the words rolling off her tongue as her gaze quickly scanned all of them. "Riley, baby, I came back for you" she simpered in her childish voice. "You didn't think I would leave you? You didn't believe these...theses...vegetarians?" Victoria sneered "Come on Riles" Victoria called him by the pet name she used when they were 'together' "Let's get out of here" she extended her arm to him and he pulled her inside, crushing her tightly to his sculpted body, his mouth on her face and neck, his fingers scrabbling to rip off her clothes...


	8. Screws

SCREWS

Riley was caught up in the moment as he gouged huge chunks out of Victoria's neck with his teeth and scratched her sides through her basically non-existent clothes. She thought she could just come back into his life and play him like the fool he was before? She was the reason he had died the first and second time, although admittedly the third was Esme. Victoria had used and abused Riley and he was just about sick of it, his lighter eyes were helping him to see more clearly and what he saw, he did not like.

Riley spent a long time slowly dispatching Victoria before he carried her decimated body into the garden and set fire to it, watching as the flames and purple smoke engulfed her, making sure that nobody came to rescue her this time, she didn't deserve it. She hadn't deserved it before. Riley stayed and waiting until Victoria was nothing but a pile of ashes ready to be carried away by the wind.

Riley walked back to the house slowly, he was not sure how the Cullens would take his sudden actions that had culminated in the death of Victoria, but he hoped that they would still welcome him back, after all he was a changed vampire and he had even stopped feeding on humans.

Riley walked back into the Cullen's house where they were still waiting but the door, which Victoria had blown off its hinges. Edward looked up at Riley and patted him on the shoulder  
"Thanks" he said quietly "You have no idea how much of a danger she was to my Bella"  
"I do" Riley smiled, glad that the Cullens seemed to be welcoming him into their family "Is there any chance I could...stay for a while" he asked timidly  
"Of course, this is your house for as long s you want it" Carlisle was the first to reply.  
"Follow me Riley" A small, smiley black haired vampire, yes Alice, tugged at his are "I will show you to your room" Riley followed without complaint.

"Now that that's all sorted I think it is high time that we get this door fixed back into place and get Bella home, after all chief Swan is probably already there are wondering what the devil has happened to his dinner" Carlisle said reasonably. Edward agreed and took Bella home, stopping to pick up some frozen pizzas and whatnot after the first disastrous shopping trip of the day, when Bella brought an inordinate amount of Lemons.

Carlisle set to work on fixing the door, whipping out his large screwdriver once again but this time it was his own privacy he was protecting. Carlisle made short work of fixing the door, quickly screwing it into place. Carlisle was almost finished, but he remembered there was another thing left for him to screw.  
"Esme" Carlisle called, and she came running back from the forest "fetch the lube" He replied "we've got work to do" and with that Esme ran up the stairs quick as a flash, followed by Carlisle...


	9. Friends

FRIENDS

Carlisle and Esme were soon back downstairs and began to scour the shiny wooden floorboards for that elusive screw that Carlisle mentioned earlier.  
"FOUND IT!" Cried Esme, picking up the small, brass coloured screw and handing it to Carlisle. Carlisle, yet again whopped out his abnormally large screwdriver, and set to work on the last screw. When he was done Carlisle gently pushed the door to and fro to ensure that it was attached firmly to the hinges, but the door let out a high-pitched keening with each push of his hands.  
"Esme, do you still have to lube?" Carlisle asked "we need to oil up this door to stop the squeaking"  
Esme handed Carlisle the lubricant and he made short work of fixing the door.  
"that should do it" Carlisle said, tentatively testing the newly re-hinged door.

Edward was on his way back to Bella's, with the pizza they had brought just moments ago. Bella scraped at the lock with her key and finally managed to get to door open, she insisted on doing it herself, even though Edward could have gotten it done much faster. The light on the answering machine was flashing and Bella headed straight for the phone to pick up the message.  
"Hey Bells!" said the voice of Charlie on the answering machine "I got loads of work to finish up with, I won't be home til 11.00pm, me and the guys are ordering in some pizza so don't worry about feeding me, see you later". Bella clicked off the phone and turned to Edward, a smile lighting up her face.

"Charlie won't be home til 11.00pm" Bella said "Let's do something fun" Edward did not need to be told twice, he scooped Bella up in his arms and they ran to their meadow for some 'quality time' When they reached the meadow Edward settled Bella down and asked her a personal question.  
"Bella, I don't mean to be rude, but what on earth is in your jacket pocket?"  
Bella poked around in her pocket and produced 3 lemons that she must have grabbed earlier, at the sight of the yellow fruit the two burst out laughing and Bella playfully threw them at Edward. One lemon completely missed him, another caught his shoulder and bounced off into the trees and the third hit him square in the chest where it exploded all over his nice clean shirt. Edward surveyed the damage, his white t-shirt now had a horrible yellow tinged sticky stain on it. Edward decided to remove his shirt, the citric acid sat uncomfortable on his skin and Bella had seen him shirtless anyway, what the hell.

At that exact moment in time Jacob Black was taking a very nice stroll through the woods and he stumbled across Bella licking something (which just happened to be the afore mentioned lemon juice) from Edward's chest. The now shirtless Jacob grabbed a nearby lemon and shouted at the happy couple  
"Mind if I join" While rubbing lemon juice into his sexy, chiselled chest.  
"Edward, I think you should leave" Bella said, and before Edward could argue he remembered that time in the tent when he told Jacob he would let Bella be with him if that was what she wanted, and evidently she did.

Edward left and Bella walked slowly towards Jacob, shaking her hips seductively as she walked  
"your turn" Bella said, her voice husky, and she ran towards Jacob, knocking him down...


End file.
